Have you ever wanted to climb into a Black Hole, and pull it in over yourself? So you could scream, "GO AWAY!!" like a three-year-old child, if anyone tried to talk you out of it? Or maybe just pretend you didn't hear, like they were vacuum cleaner salesmen ringing your doorbell? I've wanted to.
The advantages to taking a vacation like that are: 1) we can always get a ticket, even on a moment's notice and, 2) we can rationalize our bad behavior and the bottomless quantities of Ben & Jerry's ice cream we consume...or hide behind an endless fog from cigarettes, or alcohol, that feels as tragically romantic as a movie star in an old Hollywood film. Also, if anyone criticizes, or tries to help us? We can blame our mood on anything from a less than perfect childhood...to work...to the angry driver in front of us.
If this all seems too good to be true, it's because it is. After all, a trip to the Black Hole is really costly. Because even Monopoly doesn't have, "Get Out of Black Hole Free" cards—so we have to spend time and energy digging our way back out. And because if we wanted to order sushi, or pizza, the restaurants might tell us, "Sorry, but we don't deliver to the corner of Sunset Blvd. and Black Hole."
So, after weighing my options, I've decided to go out for fries and a latte—hold the Black Hole. Want to come with me?